Brick Stew, Dios Mio!

In an effort to keep my writing muscles intact and, more importantly, get paid I recently signed up as a contributing writer for a site that offers "how-to's" on various computer technical troubles. What I failed to realize, however, was just how low their writing standard was. While my actually getting hired should have been a sure sign, I don't think anyone could have foreseen that writing at such a standard was actually required. Let's review:


January 31, 2010
To: Dios, Brick Stew
From: Willard
Subject: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Increasing the size of virtual memory in a PC is something that has, thankfully, not changed much from Windows XP to Vista to 7. Something else to be thankful for is that it remains fairly easy to change in all three operating systems.

First, you need to open up the system properties, so go into the control panel. From here things can vary slightly depending on the operating system. For Windows XP open "Performance and Maintenance" For Windows Vista/Windows 7 open "System and Maintenance." Once there, click on "System." You'll know you're on the correct screen if it displays information about your system such as Processor, Memory(RAM), etc. Alternatively, you can right click on the "My Computer/Computer" icon (on either the desktop or Start menu) and click on "Properties" to bring up the same screen.

In Windows Vista/Windows 7 you will need to click on the "Advanced System Settings" option on the left side of the window. This will open the System Properties, XP users will already be in this window. Click on the "Advanced" tab and under "Performance" click the "Settings..." button. Once the "Performance Options" window has opened, click on the "Advanced" tab once again and you will see a section for "Virtual Memory," click the "Change" button to alter the Virtual Memory settings. Under Vista/7 you will need to uncheck the box that says "Automatically manage paging file size for all drives" otherwise all of the options will remain grayed out.

You can now select a hard drive (if your system has more than one) and set a custom size, set the virtual memory to be system managed, or remove usage of virtual memory altogether by clicking the "Custom size" "System managed size" or "No paging file" circles, respectively. The only way to directly affect Virtual Memory is to use the "Custom Size" option. "Initial Size" sets the minimum size of your virtual memory, while "Maximum Size" is just that. Adjusting maximum size will increase the amount of hard drive space that will be dedicated to virtual memory. You can force your computer to use a larger amount of virtual memory from the start by increasing Initial Size, but chances are your system doesn't need more if the "System managed size" option hasn't set a higher amount on its own. Size is measured in Megabytes (MB), so keep in mind that 1,024 MB equals 1 gigabyte (GB), 2,048 MB equals 2 GB, 3,072 MB equals 3 GB and so on. Once you have made the desired changes click the "Set" button and then "OK." You will be notified that a restart is required before the changes will take effect. Once the system has been restarted your new virtual memory settings will be active.

February 10, 2010
To: Willard
From: Dios, Brick Stew
Subject: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Dear Willard,

This message is to inform you that your submission of the article: "How To Increase Virtual Memory" has been rejected, and you will be able to make edits and resubmit it. Your editor had this to say: Thanks Willard! Just a few notes. Your article was rejected for the following reasons: -Your Keyphrase "How To Increase Virtual Memory" should be in your first sentence and 6-10 times within the body of your article, word for word. -Please review the 'how to write a how-to' article guidelines for proper formatting. -Please use the "insert numbered list" tool on your toolbar to number your suggestions. Thanks! Once you have edited with these changes, your article will be approved.

February 10, 2010
To: Dios, Brick Stew
From: Willard
Subject: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

My sincerest apologies, this was my first article after all. I should have realized that when writing a how-to aimed at someone incapable of following instructions unless they are preceded by a number or finding the answer to their question by typing it into Google I would need to use the type of writing one normally leaves behind in the third grade. I shudder to think of how often during the past ten days this poor, simple soul, unable to find an answer to his desperate quest, has awakened from nightmares of being accosted by a yellow bubble with the dreaded text "Your virtual memory is low." Please find my re-write with the requested edits below

How to increase virtual memory in a Windows PC. Increasing the size of virtual memory in a PC is something that has, thankfully, not changed much from Windows XP to Vista to 7. Something else to be thankful for is that it remains fairly easy to change in all three operating systems.

1. First, you need to open up the system properties, so go into the control panel. From here things can vary slightly depending on the operating system. For Windows XP open "Performance and Maintenance" For Windows Vista/Windows 7 open "System and Maintenance." Once there, click on "System." You'll know you're on the correct screen if it displays information about your system such as Processor, Memory(RAM), etc. Alternatively, you can right click on the "My Computer/Computer" icon (on either the desktop or Start menu) and click on "Properties" to bring up the same screen.
2. In Windows Vista/Windows 7 you will need to click on the "Advanced System Settings" option on the left side of the window. This will open the System Properties, XP users will already be in this window. Click on the "Advanced" tab and under "Performance" click the "Settings..." button. Once the "Performance Options" window has opened, click on the "Advanced" tab once again and you will see a section for "Virtual Memory," click the "Change" button to alter the Virtual Memory settings. Under Vista/7 you will need to uncheck the box that says "Automatically manage paging file size for all drives" otherwise all of the options will remain grayed out.
3. You can now select a hard drive (if your system has more than one) and set a custom size, set the virtual memory to be system managed, or remove usage of virtual memory altogether by clicking the "Custom size" "System managed size" or "No paging file" circles, respectively. The only way to directly affect Virtual Memory is to use the "Custom Size" option. "Initial Size" sets the minimum size of your virtual memory, while "Maximum Size" is just that. Adjusting maximum size will increase the amount of hard drive space that will be dedicated to virtual memory. You can force your computer to use a larger amount of virtual memory from the start by increasing Initial Size, but chances are your system doesn't need more if the "System managed size" option hasn't set a higher amount on its own. Size is measured in Megabytes (MB), so keep in mind that 1,024 MB equals 1 gigabyte (GB), 2,048 MB equals 2 GB, 3,072 MB equals 3 GB and so on. Once you have made the desired changes click the "Set" button and then "OK." You will be notified that a restart is required before the changes will take effect. Once the system has been restarted your new virtual memory settings will be active.

February 10, 2010
To: Willard
From: Dios, Brick Stew
Subject: Re: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Dear Willard,

This message is to inform you that you have submitted that article: "How To Increase Virtual Memory", and it is awaiting your editor's review.



February 10, 2010
To: Dios, Brick Stew
From: Willard
Subject: Re: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Dear Brick,

This message is to inform the editor that Willard had this to say: I believe it should be "the article" rather than "that article" but you're the editor, I'm just trying to help!



February 11, 2010
To: Willard
From: Dios, Brick Stew
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Dear Willard,

You are correct, the correct word to use would be the rather than that, thank you.
As for your article, we here at Brick Stew Dios make no assumptions or judgments about our readers or their intelligence, we simply attempt to answer, to the best of our ability, the questions that they present to us. We prefer that they come to us, and our staff of experienced writers, rather than sifting through the millions of results a Google search would return.
Thank you for making most of the requested edits, but I ask that you make the key phrase present 6-10 times within the body of your article. Also, if you could break down the process into a larger number of steps so that it is easier to follow it would help your chances preventing another round of edits. Again, you can refer to the 'how to write a how-to' guidelines.



February 11, 2010
To: Dios, Brick Stew
From: Willard
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Dear Brick,

Ah yes, I see your point on the Google thing. Why get multiple options to choose from when you can get a template that has been filled in by a "freelance" writer? Good call. Anyway, I hereby resubmit my article with the requested edits that include the "key phrase" throughout the article and also entirely forgoes the format of thematically coherent groups of sentences (also known as paragraphs) in favor of a numbered list.

How to increase virtual memory in a Windows PC. Increasing the size of virtual memory in a PC is something that has, thankfully, not changed much from Windows XP to Vista to 7. Something else to be thankful for is that it remains fairly easy to change in all three operating systems.

1. First, you need to open up the system properties, so go into the control panel. From here things can vary slightly How to increase virtual memory depending on the operating system. For Windows XP open "Performance
2. and Maintenance" For Windows Vista/Windows 7 open "System and Maintenance." Once there, click on "System." You'll know you're on the correct screen if it displays information about your system such as Processor, Memory(RAM), etc. Alternatively, you can right click on the "My Computer/Computer" icon (on either the desktop or Start menu) and click on "Properties" to bring
   
3. up the same screen. How to increase virtual memory
4. In Windows Vista/Windows 7 you will need to click on the "Advanced System Settings" option on the left side of the window. This will open the System Properties, XP users will already be in this window. Click on the "Advanced" tab and under "Performance" click the "Settings..." button. Once the "Performance Options" window has opened, click on the "Advanced" tab
   
5. once again and you will see a section for "Virtual Memory," click the "Change" button to alter the How to increase virtual memory Virtual Memory settings. Under Vista/7 you will need to uncheck the box that says "Automatically manage paging file size for all drives" otherwise all of the options will remain grayed out.
6. You can now select a hard drive (if your system has more than one) and set a custom size, set the virtual memory to be system managed, or remove usage of virtual memory altogether by clicking the "Custom size" "System managed size" or "No paging file" circles, respectively. The only How to increase virtual memory way to directly affect Virtual Memory is to use the "Custom Size" option. "Initial Size" sets the minimum size of your virtual memory, while "Maximum Size" is just that. Adjusting maximum size
   
7. will How to increase virtual memory increase the amount of hard drive space that will be dedicated to virtual memory. You can force your computer to use a larger amount of virtual memory from the start by increasing Initial Size, but chances are your system doesn't need more if the "System managed size" option hasn't set a higher
   
8. amount on its own. Size is measured in Megabytes (MB), so keep in mind that 1,024 MB equals 1 gigabyte (GB), 2,048 MB equals 2 GB, 3,072 MB equals 3 GB and so on. Once you have made the desired changes click the "Set" button and then "OK." You will be notified that a restart is required befo How to increase virtual memory
9. re the changes will take effect. Once the system has been restarted your new virtual memory settings will be active.
10. How to increase virtual memory

February 11, 2010
To: Willard
From: Dios, Brick Stew
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Dear Willard,

I am not sure if you are taking this position seriously. If you do not wish to be part of, and get paid as, a member of the Brick Stew Dios writing staff then please do not waste our time. If you wish to continue to contribute articles to Brick Stew Dios please edit your article 'How To Increase Virtual Memory' in accordance with the Brick Stew Dios How-To guidelines and resubmit.



February 11, 2010
To: Dios, Brick Stew
From: Willard
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

My sincerest apologies, Lord knows I couldn't live without the $8 a week Brick Stew Dios pays me for my contributions as a freelance writer. Please find the latest version of How To Increase Virtual Memory enclosed, I think you'll be quite pleased.

How To Increase Virtual Memory.

1. Enter the following phrase into Google (www.google.com): "How To Increase Virtual Memory" without quotes.
2. Click on a link to the result of your choice.
3. Follow the instructions.

February 11, 2010
To: Willard
From: Dios, Brick Stew
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Dear Willard,

Brick Stew Dios has decided to release you from your responsibilities as a contributing writer. We thank you for the work you have done and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.



February 11, 2010
To: Dios, Brick Stew
From: Willard
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Dear Brick,

Does this mean that you have accepted my latest draft of How To Increase Virtual Memory?




February 12, 2010
To: Dios, Brick Stew
From: Willard
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: How To Increase Virtual Memory

Hello?